June 11, 2009

The Nature of the Beast

Today's doctor's appointment was much like being told,
"All right, 'Ailina. You're going into labor now. The contractions are going to come, and they're going to be unbearable, but I'm afraid we don't have anything to offer you to make the experience any less agonizing.

Oh, and you'll be in labor until December, so...maybe some reading and research will point you to some ways to manage the pain for now."
Really, I'm not afraid of the pain. I'm afraid of going through all this time not knowing the nature of the beast. If I were fighting a lion, and I knew I were fighting a lion, I could fight with confidence.

I don't know what the hell I'm fighting, but it feels like I'm fighting me.

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