June 17, 2014

Too Short for the High Road (at least for today)

First thing tomorrow, we're supposed to meet with an attorney to sign some related paperwork for the purchase. Originally, I'd been looking forward to the trip, but now, I'm undecided about whether or not I'll even go. We're not..."in a good place."

I preach the High Road. That is my conviction. Humility is probably at the top of my list of values. Just because it's at the top of my list, though, doesn't mean I've mastered it. Not even close. Especially when the chips are down.

I preach Forgiveness. Letting go. Even if it means making peace and walking away. I believe in forgiveness through and through. But when it comes to my most important, intimate relationship, forgiveness is at such a sad, pathetic deficit.

And yet, I don't view my weaknesses as hypocrisy. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. My values and ideals are something I will always believe in and strive to fulfill, even when my pride strangles my conviction. I recognize the truth, and I acknowledge it. But for the moment, I am in far too much pain to fight off the indignation.

Yes. I'm holding a grudge. I also know I won't hold it forever. (Three days has been the record in matters like this.) Seeing as I'm only wrapping up Day 1, the immediate future looks quite bleak.

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