December 11, 2013

View from the Shore

The "most Zen mother I've ever met" revealed she gauges success by how peaceful an experience is and the peace her family is left with afterward. Further, her goal is to strive for that optimal level of peace in all things.

She referenced her Eastern philosophies in this, and even though I'm a Christian, I can appreciate her motivation and identify with it, with respect to Christ's peace, which comes through acceptance of the current challenges and acknowledging His sovereignty in each unfolding moment. Therein lies the "peace beyond all understanding," and that is not only worth pursuing, but it is worthy of a life's dedication.

I feel as if I've herded my children along through our daily experiences rather than invested myself in walking beside them. As a matter of survival, I've drawn myself out of the current in order to navigate our ship from the bank. How sad would it be to look back and realize I never truly traveled with everyone else.

If remote participation is all I have been able to manage, then these particular rapids I've chosen are too tumultuous. At the end of the river, the kids will emerge breathless and spent, having experienced so much orchestrated exhilaration. But what place will I hold in memory? Where was Mommy's laughter? Her wonderment? Where was SHE? Always arranging the crowd and snapping the photos but never in them.

This is not and will never be sufficient. I'm climbing into the boat.

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