April 24, 2010

Hiding: Day 9

Still withdrawn. On a positive note, I found a Social Anxiety support group online, and I've discovered many of my symptoms or "quirks" all go with the territory of "SA." Like avoiding public, burning bridges, letting down friends because you can't offer as much as they can.

Conversely, I also discovered a type of reclusion that has nothing to do with anxiety but everything to do with philosophy, spirituality, and/or nature. Personally, I think a lot of them are hyper-elitist freaks who are so full of their own superiority they don't feel the rest of society deserves the privilege of their presence. Or they hate their fellow humans so much, they'd prefer the company of trees instead.

I acknowledge my anxious motivations, and I don't necessarily apologize for them. On the other hand, I also admit I idealize the company of trees, too, but not because I disrespect people. Honestly, I think it's just because I'd rather walk alone where I will.

And I can't believe how fortunate I am to have married a man who appreciates the same.

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